I’m younger than that now

There’s a humorous post that appears every now and then on Facebook and elsewhere which compares retirement to being a teenager. In it the writer claims to have everything they wanted as a teenager, only 50 or 60 years later – their own place, a car, no need to go to work, no curfew, a monthly allowance, and a group of friends not afraid of getting pregnant. And no acne.

This came to mind because I’ve been thinking about time, not least because that was the topic for Mole Valley Poets this week when my friend Tony Marcoff led us in an inspirational and thought provoking journey through different ideas of time and how we see it, taking in different traditions, a range of poets, and ideas from different cultures. Being a member of such a group can be truly inspirational.

One of the key thoughts I came away with was a challenge to our normal view of time as linear, inexorably leading to the end of our lives. Breaking away from this we can see the circular nature of our lives, see the presence of our younger, and indeed older, selves, in the day to day - and embracing the Japanese concept of ukiyo, living in the moment. There was much more but these were the thoughts I found myself pondering on.

Bob Dylan famously sang ‘Ah, but I was so much older then /I’m younger than that now’ and while he was perhaps signalling a move away from the certainties in his protest songs to a more nuanced approach the idea of moving backwards in time is appealing. For myself, I find that my ‘retirement’ activities largely mirror those of the teens with the responsibilities and pressures of the years in between fading away. I spend a lot of my time writing, playing in bands, singing, enjoying the theatre, and socialising, all interests and passions that were major features of my teenage life. At the same time, I’m back to having time to think about faith, spirituality, philosophy, the ‘meaning of life’- and my interest in these things as a teenager led to adults commenting that I seemed old for my age (adults, I should say, who did not see me out with my mates!). In a strange way I do feel younger than when I was immersed in the world of work. I wonder if this is a common feeling.

As I pondered this, I picked up the newspaper to read that Brian Patten had died, which seemed a bit of a coincidence. Patten was a major influence in my teenage years, one of the Liverpool Poets whose works I read, performances I attended, poems I quoted and a poet I go back to from time to time. So I’m saddened that he’s gone – and naturally I have spent the last half-hour or so reading his work, reliving my youth in the earlier stuff, reminding myself of his talent, the beauty of his work, the insights he had. Another reminder that time can be circular, youth always being there to whisper in the ear.

I’m younger than that now

Legal documents littered the desk
beside a calculator with worn keys
Memos were written, phones rang, 
along the wires, faxes travelled
Payments were authorised
as deaths intruded
beneficiaries identified,
lives unravelled
ah but I was so much older then

flight documents were printed off
passports presented with practised hand
stock markets were followed
managers hired
care taken to understand
the risks and opportunities 
each presented
ah but I was so much older then

in the background a foundation
music, words, a search for truth
retirement brings a liberation
rescues what emerged in youth

the wage slave took a final bow
I’m younger than that now